after ... nights

It turned out to be that again and again I try to explain one difference exiting - lover and friend.
I try to explain it to lover and to friend.

2 ways - 2 ways just possible. This person is ur life and this person goes along with his own life. But why, why ur friend is so dear to u - just because of his identity, his personality, his own way he does, his experience, his thoughts, his dreams, his past and his future. It's simple. His life.
Life of ur lover almost doesn't exist. U want his life be urs. And ur life be his one. If u friend just disappeared for 4 years and turned out to be on Barbados with his new bride - u will wait for him. U will have ur 4 years. May be incredibly boring. Terrible. Just bad. But it was ur years. U just always know he exists. And then ur friend would come back - may be suddenly. Darken ur doors one morning. U're happy, aren't u.
Would u ever let ur lover disappear on 4 years. Would u ever let him back?

One more thing, understanding of what I keep inside but that obviously i can't epxlain. Love can demand strong, love can means just demanding. But sometimes love means - wishing deeply - from the bottom of u heart - just wishing the person u love - be happy.
Maem, I so want u to be happy.

I exuse for my dissapearings, my aloofness, detachment, my rudeness. Try to allow me this way too. I can disappear when I fall in love. I can disappear when I rebuild my Universe. I can disappear if I think it's the only way. If I'm happy. If I'm unhappy. Wait for me. Otherwise - what the whole sense in our lives along each other?