next days

I opened my eyes with a rude voice of radio, with her hand on my waist, with this guy cooking something, may be... and with snow behind the window to the core of the city. I opened my eyes. I needed everything but reality.

If I was trying to excuse myself walking home under the snow? May be. На вечеринках целуешь первого, кто попадется под губы. Lips. I remember floor. “I always had a special feeling to a floor” – I used to kidding myself. If I was trying to excuse myself, of course I did. (“u can’t call it cheating. What is going on in my HEAD – that’s cheating”. – “that’s true”). That was this kind of party which u have to forget after just knowing something more about ur passion side.

i came home keeping on excusing myself and then – there – in the same night – I suddenly realized that something’s change – because of me. While I was driving myself crazy trying to change my attitude – he did it. “я не смогу уже сказать – да. это милая девушка из Москвы. Она будет красивой частью моей жизни. – нет. Я хочу, чтобы ты была моей жизнью”. And more: “I wouldn’t forget if she cheated on me”.
I used to say that.
I used to shout that.
Inside myself.
Until I tried to do my best in changing it.
And I changed?