time to question myself

In China they say that there are 3 things - the worst things in the world. I sincerely don’t remember first one (that was too painful may be)
But second one is - to wait for one who will never come
And third is – too lay in ur bed and not be able to fall in sleep.

I was laying in my bed and couldn’t fall in sleep.
Until that was 5.

- will u change a world, - I asked.
- I’ll try.

Sky was getting lighter and lighter. Yesterday at this time I left smoky bar and was slowly walking to her place.

- will u change a world?
- The world or a world?
- This world?

I felt despair about myself. I often feel despair about myself.

- listen… I do realize I can change people. More or less, for more or less, but still. I do realize I can change people. Change their lives and their approach. More or less. A little bit. But still.
But am I able to change more? Am I able to change more around me? They were reading Belinsky articles for several ages, he was making revolutions in minds, he rulled he pointed a way for ages of people.
I don’t ask if I m able to be like Belinsky.
Or may be I do.

Me. Just me.

- will u change a world?